I offered up two Canadian quarters I found in the laundry. I got this in response.

Offered Trades:

• Blueish-green cup, old computer or monitor:
  Thanks, but no thanks. I've heard blue-green really brings out my eyes, but I don't think old computers and monitors do much for me. And frankly, I have too many cups.

• Unworn pair of women's underwear thong: I know, sometimes people get kinky, but I don't think thongs are very flattering for me.

• Dried dog poop with gold ring inside:
  In retrospect, I should have picked this. But then again, I really don't want to dig through dog poop, stick or no stick.

• Homemade Banana Bread:
  A very tempting offer, but I realized that I need to continue trading, and bread just doesn't last that long.

• Guitar strings:
  A few years ago, I would have taken this as a sign from God to begin my Ministry of Rock. Nowadays? Just a reminder that I shelled out for a very expensive and cumbersome paperweight.